Baby Fat (Mine, Not Hers)

How well I remember trying to fit into the loose regular clothes I had packed in my hospital bag to wear home after having Sam. Maybe some women fit into their normal clothes soon after birthing, but oh my, not me. I looked 7 months pregnant and while I now know this is normal (for me), I didn't then and was absolutely mortified.

After Sadie I was more psychologically prepared, but it was still a bit of a shocker. I have all this left to deal with? I think I have more left to deal with after having babies because I have some stomach muscle issues. The issue is they are rendered useless during each pregnancy. So, by the time the babe is born, they are limp and pretty much worthless, stretched wide apart, letting the rest of the contents of my abdomen fall forward (just like my babies do toward the end of pregnancy). Too much information? Sorry.

It's a slow road from here. With Sam and Sadie I was able to get back very close, if not, to my pre-pregnancy weight. Of course, the shape of my body had changed forever, but that's inevitable in my case and I've made peace with that. The problem is that it takes a good while for me to get back into my clothes...nine months to a year. I'm a bit ashamed to say this is a problem at all. I know these things take time....

I must admit (I'm being really honest here...deep breath) I'm a bit afraid to be out in public. Now, before you scold me for caring what other people think and remind me that I just had a baby and that society has a distorted view of reality when it comes to weight and what is desirable, know that I know all this. It's just that I still look 6 months pregnant and wonder if people wonder whose newborn baby I am keeping since it can't be mine because mine is still inside the womb. It doesn't help that my sweet Sadie girl keeps asking, "You got 'nother new baby in there?"

A friend and I were talking several months ago about whether or not we'd ever consider having a tummy tuck. I would consider it if it didn't cost $6000 (yes, I checked) and if it didn't involve major surgery. And if didn't go against my at-regular-weight love-the-body-God-gave-you and do-your-best-to care-for-it-properly and feed-the-poor-and-take-care-of-the-orphans-and-widows (do you know how many Compassion kids you could sponsor with that money?) mentality.

So, let's see where we are. I'm feeling a bit mortified. I know it will be a long time before I am content with my body again. I don't want surgery. That pretty much leaves me to start avoiding sweets, try hard not to eat after dinner, drink lots of water and pick back up my walk/jog workouts and pilates.

This will mean less posts about sweets. Possibly more mood swings. The occasional binge I may need to confess. I just thought you should be warned.

And, if you've just had a baby and are feeling a bit mortified yourself? Know that you are not alone and that if we give ourselves some time, we'll be back. So look out. Pin It