When Loving Is Hard

If you haven't learned yet, I'll just come out and tell you.  When I get fired-up about something, I tend to write about it here.  That is, after burning a hole in Jamey's ear.  First I'll unpack my thoughts.  Then I'll tell you where the inspiration came from.

Love.  We're supposed to love everyone, right?  Not supposed to, we are called to.  I learned that when I was little.  Learning it and understanding it is often easier than doing it.  Sometimes, loving people is easy.  Most of us love the members of our families, our best-est  friends, and many others close to us.  Loving these people is a cinch.  In fact, it's downright enjoyable to do nice things for them, to express our feelings in words and gestures.  They make it easy.

Then, there are those folks who tend to push our buttons.  All of our buttons.  At once.  We know we should do a better job of loving them, but it's just so hard.  It takes so much energy and often means getting nothing in return for our attempts.  How can we love them as well?

This past weekend, there was a women's retreat held at our church based on Beth Moore's Loving Well series.  That woman speaks to my heart.  Or should I say that God speaks to my heart through that woman?  {I think it's rather comical that I think so much of Beth Moore.  She's about as different from me as different can be.  She has big hair, I have flat hair.  She wears cute, designer outfits, I wear yoga pants and old t-shirts.  She self-tans, I'm always as white as a sheet.  I'm Mennonite, she's Baptist.  One thing transcends all that- our desire to know God better and live a life that pleases Him.  She says things how they are and uses scripture to do so.  That's important to me.}

Beth insists that in order to have the capacity and ability to love those who seem impossible to love, we must allow God to love us.  To love us to the point of over-flowing so that His love spills over.

"Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God." 1 John 4:7

The excess can then be used to love those folks who are difficult to love.  When we are burnt out, when our well is dry, it's not that we need to try harder, be nicer, and wear ourselves out more in our attempts to love.  What we need to do is let God love us.

Let God love us.

For me, that's easier said than done.  I know in my head that God loves me.  Do I feel it to the extent that I could?  No.  I don't take the time.  I don't give Him the space.  I don't allow myself to be vulnerable enough because of either one of two things happen.  One, I don't feel as if I deserve His unconditional love.  Two, I can't seem to rest in the fact that I can do no more AND no less to change how much God loves me.  Are you following me?

I grew up understanding (in my head) the part about how God won't love me less because I make mistakes, no matter how big.  What I realized this weekend is that God won't love me more either.  Not if I'm a better mom, not if I'm a better wife, not if I raise my voice at my kids less, not if I participate more in church, not if I sin less and love more.  All those are good things to be and do, but they WILL NOT change God's love for me.  His love is already at it's maximum.  God's maximum!  Wrap your head around that one.

"...God lives in us and His love is made complete in us."  1 John 4:  12b

Another revelation was that God doesn't love me in the same way I love, not even in the same way I love Jamey or my children.  My love for them waxes and wanes with how they behave and act towards me.  My love for them is a feeling.  It's subject to change even though it's the strongest human love I'm capable of.  God IS love.  He doesn't feel love.  (I'm taking this right out of Beth's mouth).  God's love is part of His Godness.  It's who He is.  It doesn't change.  It's perfect.

"God is love." 1 John 4:16b

So, I possess God's perfect, maximum love- just the way I am.  Talk about a humbling revelation.  The big question that follows, for me, is how can I allow myself to feel this love?  I want to feel it.  I want to bask in it.  I want to allow it to over-flow in me so I can use it to love those around me without feeling as though my well has run dry.

What do you do to allow God's love to penetrate?  He doesn't just want to love you.  He already does- perfectly and at the highest level He (God!) is capable of.  What are we waiting for?  Let's get on our knees or stand with our hands in the air and receive it.

"And so we know and rely on the love God has for us." 1 John 4: 16

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