Broken

If someone is having a problem, particularly someone I love, I want to fix it.  I want to look at the situation, figure out what's gone wrong and do what needs to be done to make it right.  I hate seeing people I care about in pain.  I want to take it away, take it away from them, take them away from the pain.  I want to be of help, to be of service, to put an end to the hurt feelings, the impossible decisions and the string of bad news.

It tears me up and apart.

Even though it goes against my grain, I know there that are problems that no person can fix.  Sometimes things seem to have to be the way they are- raw, terrible, unfair and hopeless- and it's all happening for no apparent reason.  I've come to the conclusion that some things happen for a reason and some things happen for no reason, but God will do a good work in spite of the awfulness.  And, sometimes it might not be the good work we have in mind.

I know that He works behind the scenes - softening hearts and leading people to those who may offer them hope and comfort, but so often it's not visible enough for me.  I can't see the softening, the affects of the comfort and hope and it leaves me feeling helpless again and it breaks my heart because I know that the helplessness of the people directly involved is infinitely more intense than mine.

I need to let go.  I need to lay it at the feet of my Jesus.  I need to give up the (lack of) control and rest in the confidence that my God is SO big and awesome and mysterious and yet He loves and cares and He sees every hurt, hears every word and senses every emotion.

In this life we may never see the reconciliation, the good work, the softening that we long to take place, but we must trust anyway and never doubt for one second that our God hasn't been right in the midst of the brokenness from the very beginning.

"Trust in him at all times, O people; pour out your hearts to him, for God is our refuge. Selah" Psalm 62:8

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