Apologies

Sometimes I still have a hard time talking about my faith.

Several weeks ago, we were with some dear friends.  The topic of the TV show, The Simpsons, came up.  Whether I like it now or not, I watched my share of The Simpsons years ago.  We were discussing how the writers of the show were able to take common everyday occurrences, institutions or character traits and push them to the extreme, resulting in satire and, well...laughs.

When the conversation turned to how the show portrays church, pastors, and Christians (think The Flanders Family), my hackles were raised- not at anyone in then-present company, mind you, but it was as if all my being was in revolt.  I felt and immediate urge to defend the institution of church and pastors and Christians.  I think something managed to escape my mouth but later, on the way home, my thoughts finally came together and I had a handle on what I wished I could have said.

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Why wasn't I prepared to say it in the midst of our conversation?  I think it was more than just not having my thoughts adequately formed.  You see, sitting here typing behind much anonymity (not complete, many readers do know who I am) it is easy to speak from the heart.  When I'm in the midst of friends, even very good ones, sometimes I'm hesitant afraid.

I'm afraid I'm going to put someone off and fulfill the stereotype that many have of Christians- that we're narrow-minded, judgmental and potentially hateful.  And this is the very last thing I wish to do- represent my God and His Son in this way.

You can ask Jamey.  When I feel strongly and get emotional about something, I get choked up and have trouble saying what I want to say.  Because of this, at those times I'm hardly ever (maybe never) an eloquent speaker,  so I'm afraid I'll come across as feeble-minded, gullible and naive.  I know the enemy loves it when I feel this way, which of course makes me even more upset at myself when I allow it to occur.

There is a difference between gently speaking the truth you believe in love and putting others down.  I don't want to put anyone down and I don't want to become the person that no one wants to discuss faith or religion with because she goes off the deep end, becoming emotional and defensive.  Oh, Lord, we need your grace and wisdom!  Too many times, in the heat of the moment, we say things that harm more than help.  In our gallant attempts to defend, we sometimes drive the very people away who we want most to know the love of God.

The Bible says, "The Lord is my light and my salvation--whom shall I fear? The Lord is the stronghold of my life--of whom shall I be afraid?" (Psalm 27:1).  I believe my faith is sealed.  All I can do is plant seeds, live a life that is as Christ-like as I can muster, and pray that with the Spirit's prompting each person who does not yet know God will one day turn to Him.  I cannot argue, debate or provide proof.  You can't argue faith.  You either chose to believe or not.  And I truly believe that the burden of proof of His existence does not fall to us.

"The heavens declare the glory of God;
    the skies proclaim the work of his hands.

Day after day they pour forth speech;
    night after night they reveal knowledge.

They have no speech, they use no words;
    no sound is heard from them. 

Yet their voice goes out into all the earth,
    their words to the ends of the world.
In the heavens God has pitched a tent for the sun."

Psalm 19:1-4

"For since the creation of the world God’s invisible qualities—his eternal power and divine nature—have been clearly seen, being understood from what has been made, so that people are without excuse."
Romans 1:20 

But it's not right to keep quiet because I want to share all the important parts of my life with those I come in regular contact with, not just the areas that aren't potentially controversial.  


So, here's what I wish I would have said....


"Because God is Lord of my life and I love Him, watching (or hearing) His Name, His Church, His Son, or His people being slandered is even more offensive than if someone would take my husband's flaws and make a TV show about them, exaggerating the flaws to the point of making blatant fun of him.  And then, that someone broadcasted that show to millions of people, most of which obviously don't know him.  In their minds, from that point on, those watchers would associate my dear husband with all the traits and characteristics that were able to invoke the most laughs.  They would then use his name flippantly and disrespectfully, humiliating him, not considering his innate value and how much he means to those who love him.  Of course, he isn't perfect.  No person is.  And neither is any church, pastor or Christian.  But when you love someone or something so dearly, even humor based on exaggerations isn't funny, especially when it's presented to people who might not have the privilege to truly know him.  This is why the "humor" in this respect doesn't sit well with me and why I can't act like it's no big deal.  To me, it is a very big deal because my loyalty lies with God.  And poking fun at Him, his church and his people offends me."

Then I probably would have thrown up, peed my pants or started crying.  But at least I would have said what was in my heart!


And that leads me to a few apologies.

To Those Whom It May Concern (past, present, and future):


I want to apologize for any times I came on too strong in defense of my faith or my God to the point of showing you anything other than love.


I want to apologize for not sharing this important part of my life with you.  I don't want anyone to think it's a topic I avoid.  Even for those of you who share the same faith, please forgive me for hesitating to talk about this monumental part of my life, instead sticking to the often more acceptable topics of kids, garden, food, and summer plans.


And lastly, Lord, I want to apologize for not always rising to your defense- not because You need it, but because it shows that I am faithful, loyal and in love with You.  Thank you for forgiving me anyway and for loving me no matter how imperfect and befuddled I became, become and will become.  

Your grace is all too sufficient for me.  Praise Your Holy Name! Pin It