A Day in February 2017

I force myself up soon after 8am when I hear the toddler stirring in the next room.  I want so badly to be a morning person but I am not.

Get dressed, start drinking my cup of coffee and check email.  Ready toddler's milk. Ready toddler's family visit diaper bag- making sure it has diapers, wipes, snack, milk with a cold pack, a few toys and a change of clothes.

Retrieve now fully awake toddler from crib and give him a bath since his hair smells like he spit up during the night.  Get splashed by the happy little boy in the tub.

Get toddler dressed and let him play with Miriam (who is now up, too) while I call to make two necessary medical appointments for toddler.

Feed toddler breakfast while I eat my yogurt and granola and drink some more of my (now cool) coffee.

Wake up big kids and give instructions for the morning.  Run upstairs and change into town clothes.

About 9:45 am, run toddler into town for his family visit with birth dad.  Make conversation with birth dad in waiting room until social worker comes out.  Pass toddler to his dad and try not to breakdown as he cries and lunges for me as I walk out of the building.

Drive home and check on progress of kids' school work.  Do school with Miriam.  Reheat same cup of coffee and drink some more.

At 10:45 am, take Miriam and go pick up toddler who is very happy to see us.  Miriam thinks it's neat that a police officer held the door for us while we were leaving the office and later tells her sister he was handsome. Pile back into van- hand sanitizer all around.

Drive directly to toddler's doctor's office for appointment.  Miriam and I chase toddler all around waiting room and exam room trying to keep him out of trash cans and from putting things in his mouth.  Leave doctor's office- hand sanitizer all around.  Phone home and ask Sam to start lunch.

Once home, call social worker to give updates on doctor's appointment and other appointment scheduled.  Give extra cuddles to toddler who is often very clingy the day or two after his visit.

Almost 1:00 pm, eat lunch together. Put toddler down for nap.  Pray he sleeps longer than an hour. He does! Get dishes into the kitchen.  Finish school with Miriam.  Start school with Sadie.  Finish cold coffee. Work on school until mail comes and Sadie's first American Girl doll arrives (which she saved up for herself).  All bets on finishing school with Sadie are off.

Fold the last load of laundry (with toddler "helping") that didn't get folded from the laundry spree the night before.  Eat some cookie dough from the freezer and then throw the rest away to keep from eating more.

Finish washing up dishes (while toddler keeps a handful of my skirt in his little fist). Start to think about dinner and decide I need to document one of these days so one day I can remember what life is like right now.  Start to type this post on the way to the pantry to get tomato sauce.

Assemble supper (baked pasta with meatballs).  Jamey gets home from work.  Say brief hello and give instructions for baking the dinner.

Drop Sam and Sadie off at choir and drive to the grocery store.  Park the van in the parking lot, recline seat and BREATHE for 5 minutes.  Fill up my grocery cart, wince, pay, and head home.

Unpack groceries while cooking peas (baked pasta almost ready).  Eat dinner with Jamey, Miriam and toddler.  Fill Jamey in on our day.  Pack up some supper for Sadie.  Kiss toddler good night.

Take Miriam to her music class and pick up Sadie.  Sit with Sadie while she eats.  Sit in on Sam's choir rehearsal until Miriam is done her class.  Drive the girls home and watch a new episode of The Incredible Dr. Pol together.

Hug girls goodnight, discuss next day's plan (Jamey has off!), watch a TV show, greet Sam when his ride drops him off at home. Send him into the kitchen to find dinner and snacks.

Check email, read a few articles, check out what friends are up to on facebook, watch some PBS Masterpiece and head to bed.

Things I did not include:
- times I let the dog in and out of the house
- times I loaded and tended the wood stove
- diapers changed
- times I scolded myself for not drinking enough water (I had my first kidney stone this summer which was ALMOST LIKE LABOR)
- times I asked the kids to be quiet because the baby is sleeping
- photos because I didn't even think to take any

These days I experience many moments when I'm fully present in the now.  But there are also moments when I'm on the verge of panic over what the future will bring for the little boy who has started calling me "ma".  And, what our life will feel like without him.

Thankfully, the present-moments out number the panic-filled ones.  And thankfully, this particular day is (usually) the busiest of our week.